Dating Design Patterns 255
Dating Design Patterns | |
author | Solveig Haugland |
pages | 150 |
publisher | Solveig Haugland |
rating | 9/10 |
reviewer | Alex Moskalyuk |
ISBN | 0974312002 |
summary | Elements of reusable objective-oriented paired programming |
Why design patterns are needed
Many will attest that the API to the WOMEN platform is somewhat obscure, contradictory and poorly documented. However, if you talk to any randomly selected groups of men, you will discover that the problems they face (whether in Pickup or Relationship states) are fundamentally the same. If there's a common set of problems, shouldn't there be a common set of solutions? Moreover, doesn't it bother you that programming geeks, who advocate code reusability and open-sourcing have not come up with reusable successful solutions for commonly occurring problems and have not documented them?This book is the attempt to change that and unite all design patterns in a single documentation project. You can read the conversation that led to writing DDP (caution: those of you in love with Design Patterns' concept might have a hard time reading how it was all a hoax by the Gang of Four). Hopefully you will understand the danger of letting this knowledge out (hint: geeks who talk to attractive girls, date and get laid spend less time writing code, which could jeopardize some projects) and not recommend the book to everyone you know. The table of contents is available online as well (in PDF format), and you can see that the book is subdivided into two large sections - introduction and pattern catalog.
Introduction to dating design patterns
In the first part, the authors introduce the concepts of design patterns with several superfluous definitions in an attempt to outdo the academic titles types on Design Patterns in number of formal references and quoted italic text. They also provide the set of anti-patterns, which can be collected by surveying poor implementations of dating patterns. For example, the Iterator anti-pattern is described as "The nag. One of the most taxing on system resources. Also an anti-pattern when used to repeatedly ask the same woman for a date." Many developers fall into fallacy of thinking anti-pattern would do the job when a pattern does not work.The chapter on refactoring talks about all the issues that must be taken care of before implementing any of the patterns. Each refactoring unit includes sub-sections on Motivation, Mechanics and Example. The motivation part explains how this refactoring unit can help publish an attractive public interface for FEMALE platform. The mechanics part usually includes a bulleted list of what needs to be done for the implementation. The example brings us into more practical world, where we can visualize how the refactoring units "Get a makeover", "Display yourself in a new context through third parties", "Publish a more restricted interface" and "Fake a phone call from an ex-girlfriend" can help interested geek attract female companions.
Pattern Catalog
The second part is nothing more but a collection of 22 existing dating patterns. This part of the book will be even more familiar to those who read the original Design Patterns, as the headings, bulleted lists, sidebar notes and sub-chapter titles are all there. Each pattern is presented in the following format:
- Pattern name
- Problem statement (the authors acknowledge that for most of developers the problems reside in attempting to implement getLaid method successfully on FEMALE platform)
- Forces (why this pattern might lead to successful implementation)
- Solution (overview of what's required for successful implementation)
- Strategies (step-by-step guide with copious notes)
- Benefits and Drawbacks (analysis of when this design pattern makes sense and when it's not appropriate)
- Related patterns
Anyone who's ever been through UML or Design Patterns class will not have a problem with reading the pattern catalog. The pseudocode sometimes used to describe the pattern is somewhat close to Java and uses Camel notation for method calls, state and interface definitions. Luckily the book is void of any humor that design pattern writers usually try to sneak in, and is just plain formal scientific boring writing with SAT-level vocabulary that we all grew to love while reading the Gang of Four series.
The problem statements use clear language, allowing the reader to figure out whether he has the same problem (and thus should read the pattern to find out the solution) or move on to the next pattern. For example, the Jini Singles Bar pattern describes the following problem:
You're a great catch, of course, and you're looking for someone smart, funny, beautiful, who can talk about rock-climbing, Slashdot, politics and 19th century Serbo-Croatian playrights. It would also be nice if she were 24, between 5'6'' and 5'8'', of French extraction, interested in the songs of Owen Margolis, with dark long brown hair. However, you have not yet found this woman.
Conclusion
The point that authors try to emphasize is that Dating Design Patterns is a collection of researched, verified, formalized and proven to work patterns. Of course, there are numerous pages of already available documentation with questionable applicability, as well as HOWTO's from open-source luminaries, but they provide neither the variety of patterns that this book has, nor the exact step-by-step implementations.As common with design patterns, there are areas where they work perfectly and there are cases, where they are not applicable at all. The collection (full list of patterns with appropriate poster is available from the official Web site) just provides the list of accepted solutions to common problems. Perhaps reading through all 22 patterns is an onerous task and should be left to those in academic world. However, the authors assure that the benefits of successful implementation outweigh the amount of resources that need to be dedicated. Now, if you'll excuse me, that girl from Barnes and Noble with very nice public properties is getting out of the shower and her private members are even more interesting.
Tim's review:
Don't buy this book. None of the ideas in it work. Absolute garbage. Haugland's "advice" will not result in flocks of appropriate-sex singles following you out of every coffee bar, bookstore or tango lesson you happen to visit. Repeat: do not buy this book.
You can search for Dating Design Patterns from bn.com, or better yet, straight from the author. Slashdot welcomes readers' book reviews -- to see your own review here, read the book review guidelines, then visit the submission page.
look at the source.. (Score:5, Funny)
I mean, I was told not to judge a book by its cover but..
on a serious note, I am dating someone and she likes my geeky side. I forward her slashdot posts every week or so...it's pretty cool. yesterday we sat down and read some wikipedia together.
Re:look at the source.. (Score:5, Funny)
dude! run away, she's really a guy!
Re:look at the source.. (Score:4, Insightful)
On the other hand, many of the geek women I know are pretty incredible women. They've worked past the stereotypes and done something with their lives. They are confident and powerful and quite often beautiful women. =) Be kind to your geek girls boys, they deserve good lives and good boyfriends.
Re:look at the source.. (Score:2)
Re:look at the source.. (Score:5, Interesting)
And for God-sake, put on a button up shirt and some nice fitting slacks that show off your butt good. If you can dress decently, that's half the battle. Even a fat guy can look well put together in a nice pair of slacks, a blue button up shirt, and a nice white(and not dingy white) t-shirt. And shoes make a difference. Smart women most likely are looking for men who can hold their own and have confidence. They likely won't be as impressed by how much you make. Something I had to learn when I transitioned to female was how to act as if I have confidence even when I don't. It's a good skill and keeps me from being a target for all kinds of bad stuff.
If you get turned down, that's life. Remember learning to ride a bike, your first c programs, learning to make NFS secure? It usually doesn't work the first time. =) But you have to keep trying and adapting and learning.
I know many geek guys have spent a life in torture by jocks and idiots. But it's your turn to shine. Also, if something just doesn't work out, try to save the friendship. She likely knows a ton about you and can help you with everything if you can resist the urge to throw everything of hers away. Friendships with chicks is VERY cool. It will teach you how to talk with a woman, which is a good skill to have. We're not all into little crystal ornaments and makeup/clothes. Though beauty standards for women are tons higher than they are for men and that's why they seem to be a bit more preoccupied with looks on average. It was a huge shock when I transitioned full time. I knew of it but I didn't realize it was that decisive. Anyway, have patience, listen, ask, and dress for success.
Re:look at the source.. (Score:2)
Re:look at the source.. (Score:5, Insightful)
The question is if this guy is truely, in fact, scoring with reasonable women.
Re:look at the source.. (Score:2)
also, wonder where he lives? I ask because one of my high school classmates used to do...well not so well on the game. but he went to study abroad and realized that girls found him very attractive. apparently he's hooked up quite a bit, which is a contrast to college in the states.
Re:look at the source.. (Score:3, Insightful)
Make that a butt ugly guy who doesn't have a lot of money or fame. Rich and famous guys can be butt ugly with no charm or skills, yet still get loads of hot women.
Re:look at the source.. (Score:2)
Who cares about reasonable women? I'm still trying to find that book that Badger [imdb.com] got in the mail: "How to Pick Up Trashy Women."
Re:look at the source.. (Score:2)
Re:look at the source.. (Score:2)
Re:look at the source.. (Score:2, Funny)
Re:look at the source.. (Score:2)
All new kid of trolling... (Score:5, Funny)
Perhaps this book should have mentioned *that* code snippet.
Re:All new kid of trolling... (Score:2)
Re:All new kid of trolling... (Score:2, Funny)
Perhaps this book should have mentioned *that* code snippet.
If you did this in reality, I think 'snippet' is what the women would do.
Open box. Inflate (Score:5, Funny)
Re:Open box. Inflate (Score:2)
Yeah, I'm suuuuure all those geeks buying blow-up dolls can't wait to bring it home to their "real" girlfriends.
Suggestion for poll (Score:2, Insightful)
Yes / No / Only a digest of other AFs, a day later
Mod me up, not because I need the Karma, but to send a message. Enough is enough!
And if it's not annoying enough now, remember somebody may come across these stories in a few months. Public web content is forever (/robots.txt notwithstanding).
Re:Suggestion for poll (Score:2, Insightful)
That's a stupider way to "send a message" than even starting an Internet petition.
Re:Suggestion for poll (Score:2, Funny)
I mean really. If it sucks, this isn't the end of the internet. You *can* go to another site. may I suggest bbc.co.uk for your news needs or maybe even the onion for REAl reporting and none of that middle-to-left crap with a subscription needed *cough* NY TIMES *cough*
Re:Suggestion for poll (Score:4, Funny)
Re:Suggestion for poll (Score:5, Informative)
Re:Suggestion for poll (Score:2)
I remember back in 99(?) when there was only one april fools story - the linux users group storming the microsoft complex. And all the nerd sites linked to it, rather than comming up with their own.
It was pleasant to have real news and then get hit in the face with *JOKE*, but then to move on with life.
~Will
finally a book review that... (Score:3, Funny)
Just what we need! (Score:5, Funny)
However, I do not think OOP is very well-suited to this sort of thing. It's bad to treat women as objects.
Also, some girls are not into the whole "Gang of Four" idea... A lot of girls demand a Singleton pattern for any courtship situation.
Re:Just what we need! (Score:2, Funny)
> literature will end. Why have we suffered
> for so long with only "man" pages?
We tried "chick pages," but the lawsuits we too cost prohibitive.
How to score (Score:5, Funny)
1) Find a moderatly pretty woman.
2) Ask them how they are
3) Ask them if they want coffee.
4) If they say "no," start at step 1, if they say "yes," continue.
5) on the way to coffee, say the following line. "Look, Coffee and conversation is great and all, but its a pre-cursor and we both know it. Ill get right to the point and save us both the hassle. I find you incredibly attractive, moreso then any other woman around here. (hell, they are all jealous, cant you tell?) Anyways, do you just want to go to a hotel or somethnig?
6) Majority will either say "no," "fuckoff," or the equivalent thereof. A few will say "yes."
7) if they say "yes," begin humping. if they say "no," start at step 1.
Repeat 1000 times.
Re:How to score (Score:2)
1) find a girlfriend
2) have lots of fun in bed
3) goto 2
I would rather have one awsome girlfriend then 1000 one night stands.. besides then I wont catch any stds.
Re:How to score (Score:3, Funny)
Re:How to score (Score:2, Funny)
2) have lots of fun in bed
3) goto 2
Along similar lines, here's my guaranteed plan for financial security:
1. Get $5 million.
2. Deposit in tax-exempt bond fund.
3. Collect interest.
Re:How to score (Score:4, Funny)
Re:How to score (Score:2)
Re:How to score (Score:5, Funny)
(Courtesy IMDB)
Re:How to score (Score:2)
Long-running loop... (Score:2)
do
{ steps 2-6 }
while (moon_is_not_blue or hell_is_not_frozen);
Too much work (Score:2)
Why not find somebody you like to be around and who likes to be around you and let nature take its course?
if only dating was like quake... (Score:2, Funny)
Dating god mode on.
> impulse 101
*BOW CHICKA BOW WOW*
Editors (Score:2, Redundant)
Some of your section headings had correct capitalizations, others didn't. Almost as bad as michael's posts earlier today that were almost entirely in lowercase. Right off the bat you can tell it's a cheesy writeup.
This "it's so stupid we have to post it" mentality doesn't make me laugh, it makes me roll my eyes!
Re:Editors (Score:2, Interesting)
See, the whole prank is a flood of retarded April Fool's submissions. That's the whole point. And it's working like crazy, judging by all the whiny comments about how "it's not funny!"
Re:Editors (Score:2)
At least this one's real... (Score:5, Informative)
Amazon.com [amazon.com]
Barnes & Noble [barnesandnoble.com] (They recongize the number, but don't have it.)
CafePress.com [cafeshops.com]
NerdBooks.com [nerdbooks.com]
Customers who bought this book also bought: (Score:5, Funny)
Finally a woman who agrees with me! HEAD FIRST, movie and a dinner later. :P
Re:Customers who bought this book also bought: (Score:2)
Re:At least this one's real... (Score:2)
Pattern for the /. crowd... (Score:5, Funny)
Re:Pattern for the /. crowd... (Score:2)
Slut.getInstance() is called quite often, but can only be called once at a time. No permanent references to the Slut object should be left around by the calling object
Re:Pattern for the /. crowd... (Score:2)
I would much rather use a Factory pattern.
Re:Pattern for the /. crowd... (Score:2)
As a married man, (Score:2, Funny)
Design patterns are great for high level architecure but when you need to get down to the nitty-gritty low level stuff it's best if you have the counsel of the experts.
...in other news (Score:5, Funny)
Re: Dating Design Patterns (Score:2, Insightful)
Published API with code samples might be easy, but is it fun? A true geek will always go for utter randomness, complete unpredictability and total bafflement - how else will he be a geek?
Are they Open Source? (Score:5, Funny)
Re:Are they Open Source? (Score:2, Funny)
women are more like windows...
1) you will NEVER see the source (and once you do you realize its only a part of the whole stuff)
2) most women are NO community project
3) even if they do come with a manual there wont be a single useful letter in there
4) 'plug&play'
5) (almost) everyone loves the great ui
6) occasional crashes
7) they need updates regularely (buy stuff)
8) they also have a recent list (of your wrongdoings)
Jokes for Nerds, Stuff that's Obvious (Score:5, Insightful)
Step 1. Make it really really long.
Step 2. Put the punchline in the beginning.
Re:Jokes for Nerds, Stuff that's Obvious (Score:2)
That makes all the difference in humor. Try it.
Some short examples: "This baby seal walked into a club."
"Great minds think a lot."
"So, do you live around here often?"
I really enjoyed the book, and your step 2 is exactly what to avoid -- put the punchline as far at the end as possible; even better
Seriously... (Score:2)
Re:Seriously... (Score:2)
(oh god, my nerd-o-meter is going off scale, so I'll shut up now)
Re:Seriously... (Score:2)
Have you seen this [singles-the-game.com], then? I'm not sure how limited other dating games have been (I don't play them, even) but from what I read in Edge [edge-online.com] (a UK gaming magazine, IMO the best there is) this one sure pushes the border a bit.
So, *why* was this book written? (Score:4, Funny)
What's needed is a dating design pattern book for women about the GEEK platform. A book like that would detail the many benefits of GEEK, and also suggest where one would go to meet and mate with a GEEK.
Once a book like that is written, opening the eyes of females everywhere, this "dating" issue will be resolved.
Now, I have to get back to writing Linux device drivers for my TRS-80.
---anactofgod---
BTW, I don't want any backlash from so-called "female geeks" on the limited scope of my suggested book. I *know* it's April's Fools, so don't try to convince me that you exist on this, of all, days.
Not a Joke (Score:2)
You know how to get a girl? (Score:5, Insightful)
2) Don't assume that having a vagina means having no brain. Just because most girls are breeding stock, doesn't mean that there aren't plenty of girls who aren't. Some of the ones that seem to be breeding stock may in fact have a lot of intelligence and you can bring it out of them. Been there, done that.
3) Broaden your horizons. Get away from the computer and learn something that you find to be fun and that is accessible to girls who aren't computer geeks. I picked up bass and guitar for fun and found that a lot of college girls will at least give you a shot if you're good. Personally I don't care much, since my gf can beat me on guitar and hold her own on bass.
4) Don't jump right into a relationship. If you have a chance to have a casual sexual relationship with a girl, that's helpful for when you're ready to settle down. Experience is something most guys really need.
and...
5) Look for someone who is your equal, but not in your area of expertise. You don't want to risk a game of one upmanship. I'm wary of dating girls in my major (C.S.) for that reason. My current girlfriend is a musician.
Re:You know how to get a girl? (Score:2)
Re:You know how to get a girl? (Score:2)
Complete rubbish. I've never been to a gym in my life, I make no attempt whatsoever to lead a healthy lifestyle, and empirical evidence seems to suggest I'm doing pretty well so far (it's been nearly 15 years since I was last single).
Re:You know how to get a girl? (Score:2)
Sometimes not having a girlfriend can be despairing, but work on yourself and someone great might come into your life.
Re:Recipe for geek success with women: get older (Score:2)
Half Bad Boy Plus Protocol: Structuring one's appeal based on equal parts considerate gentlemanly attributes and "bad boy" behavior or facade.
So I'm "Mr Right" - sensitive, caring, well-paid, mature, but also a pagan biker with long hair, wears leathers and owns two motorbikes (not mid-life crisis, been biking for years). I'm the one who wants to go to the sleazy goth clubs!
Not needed... (Score:2, Funny)
The following algorithm would suffice in any situation:
Step 1 - Shower
Step 2 - Approach female
Step 3 - Do not talk about computers/programming/design patters/Java/OO
Step 4 - Say "Hi, what's your name?"
Step 5 - If rejected GOTO Step 2, BUT first check if Step 1 happened between 24 hours. If this is the case, GOTO Step 1.
Do not forget Step 1 - This is a must for females, I've heard...Follow this algorithm, and yo
Re:Not needed... (Score:2, Insightful)
SumDog
Re:Not needed... (Score:2)
Re:Not needed... (Score:2)
How long till this interminable day is over? (Score:2, Redundant)
girfriends and AD&D (Score:2, Insightful)
Methinks it is the person, not the activity, that needs to be examined...
No use for a mod point (Score:2)
I have a mod point to burn, and it's *all* offtopic in here. And that's on topic in a 1-April kinda way. Nothing for me to do here.
The lost man page (Score:2, Funny)
Segmentation fault (core dumped)
"Playing Dungeons & Dragons by yourself?" (Score:2, Insightful)
being a geek doesn't turn off women... (Score:3, Insightful)
To all you whiners, if you want to get laid, I highly recommend getting over yourselves already.
Just trying to help. Flame away.
tokengeekgrrl
being a geek does turn off women... (Score:2, Insightful)
No problem ... but ... (Score:3, Insightful)
I have no problem picking up women, in fact, I have to beat them off with a stick. Maybe it has something to do with the fact that I am gay?
At last! (Score:2)
A simplier guide (Score:2)
And, when meeting someone new, the key will always be confidence. You can wear a clown suit, but if you are clam,
Re:A simplier guide (Score:2)
You make a similar point in your second paragraph when you say that confidence is what makes a difference.
Most so called "sensitive guys" (no, it's not a personal attack) are whiny wimpy doomats. If I was a woman I wouldn't have any interest in them either. Be assertive, project inner strength and try t
Some things will never be understood... (Score:2)
Look, just writing this thing in the first place PROVES that some folks will never quite get it.
The trick isn't to get more geeky, y'know.
I met a girl once... (Score:3, Funny)
Now with more Patents! (Score:2)
(It's good to be the bouncer, the night gets all sorts of ironic when the lights come on.
Self-Published Author (Score:2)
I worked (briefly) for an online bookseller carrying this title [nerdbooks.com]. Since the author published it independently, I couldn't rely on the usual sources to find cover art to thumbnail. As a conseqence, I had to contact the author directly in my attempts to obtain the cover art.
She was very nice; but I can certainly see why she had difficulty finding a publisher when insisting on this particular title.
OK, what about (Score:2)
(runs, ducks, hides)
I sure am a geek... (Score:2, Funny)
But i'm not so desperate i'd want to date design patterns.
beautiful and can talk about Slashdot? (Score:2)
Re:Why is this here? (Score:4, Funny)
"Hmm, a book describing how to efficiently timestamp the version log of your design"
Re:For (Score:2)
Re:man page (Score:3, Funny)
$ man woman
man: insufficent privleges
or
# man woman
Oooh, I love a man with power, who knows how to use it.
Nah, doesn't work for me either.....
Re:Slashdot and Date....bwahhhaaa (Score:5, Funny)
When I was 12, my uncle came over to visit. Now my parents were bikers. (I'm not kidding, but to this day, my mother says, "no, no, no, it was a motorcycle club!") But by this time, my mother had grown out of being a biker. But my uncle was still this rough biker guy. So back to the story. So I was 12 and complaining about how I wanted to date this one girl who was very attractive, but she wasn't interested. But there was this other girl that wanted to date me who was not very attractive at all. So after complaining about this to my mother in the presence of my uncle, he inserted a few words of wisdom, "Well you know brian, even ugly girls have pussies." My mother was a little upset.
Re:Slashdot and Date....bwahhhaaa (Score:2, Funny)
Re:Slashdot and Date....bwahhhaaa (Score:3, Interesting)
Hey and sometimes those ugly chichs get better looking with age. When I was 16 or so this chick wanted to screw me BAD, she wouldnt leave me alone, She was friends with some of my friends but I couldnt stand her. Never did tag her, but as time went on she got alot better looking then well turned pro One of those old friends recently sent me this, I about dies [spectator.net] I still dont think shes good looking but lemme tell you shes a HELL of a lot better looking than she was.
NSFW! (Score:2, Informative)
Re:Keep it closed source (Score:2)
Re:Keep it closed source (Score:2)
Why wouldn't you? It's not like you can corner the market on 3 billion women (though it might be fun...) or whatever your MOTAS is.
Anyway, the most important things for meeting/having fun with/hooking up with for a night of fun/ the attractive sex are: (a)look clean and neatly groomed and (2) be interesting. Everything else follows. In fact, in a relationship with a woman who is only interested in getting laid and could care less ho
Re:Another April Fools Joke... (Score:2, Funny)
Of course it is... Thats the whole point of point a dating story on slashdot.
Re:Before berating /. for their stories... (Score:4, Funny)
Wow, that's an elaborate 1st April joke. Both a website and in the database at Amazon, B&N, etc!