Dating Design Patterns

prostoalex writes "How many times, when playing Dungeons and Dragons by yourself, or reading an RFC in the bed alone on a Friday night, have you thought 'Boy, I sure wish there was an easier way to pick up women, like published API with code samples?' What would you say if such documentation was not only available, but succinctly put into 22 design patterns and given formal descriptions just like the ones in your UML book? Dating Design Patterns, with a cover suspiciously similar to Design Patterns by the Gang of Four, is the first attempt to bring verified solutions to common problems in the world of dating." Timothy's review follows prostoalex's, below.

Dating Design Patterns
author	Solveig Haugland
pages	150
publisher	Solveig Haugland
rating	9/10
reviewer	Alex Moskalyuk
ISBN	0974312002
summary	Elements of reusable objective-oriented paired programming

Why design patterns are needed

Many will attest that the API to the WOMEN platform is somewhat obscure, contradictory and poorly documented. However, if you talk to any randomly selected groups of men, you will discover that the problems they face (whether in Pickup or Relationship states) are fundamentally the same. If there's a common set of problems, shouldn't there be a common set of solutions? Moreover, doesn't it bother you that programming geeks, who advocate code reusability and open-sourcing have not come up with reusable successful solutions for commonly occurring problems and have not documented them?

This book is the attempt to change that and unite all design patterns in a single documentation project. You can read the conversation that led to writing DDP (caution: those of you in love with Design Patterns' concept might have a hard time reading how it was all a hoax by the Gang of Four). Hopefully you will understand the danger of letting this knowledge out (hint: geeks who talk to attractive girls, date and get laid spend less time writing code, which could jeopardize some projects) and not recommend the book to everyone you know. The table of contents is available online as well (in PDF format), and you can see that the book is subdivided into two large sections - introduction and pattern catalog.

Introduction to dating design patterns

In the first part, the authors introduce the concepts of design patterns with several superfluous definitions in an attempt to outdo the academic titles types on Design Patterns in number of formal references and quoted italic text. They also provide the set of anti-patterns, which can be collected by surveying poor implementations of dating patterns. For example, the Iterator anti-pattern is described as "The nag. One of the most taxing on system resources. Also an anti-pattern when used to repeatedly ask the same woman for a date." Many developers fall into fallacy of thinking anti-pattern would do the job when a pattern does not work.

The chapter on refactoring talks about all the issues that must be taken care of before implementing any of the patterns. Each refactoring unit includes sub-sections on Motivation, Mechanics and Example. The motivation part explains how this refactoring unit can help publish an attractive public interface for FEMALE platform. The mechanics part usually includes a bulleted list of what needs to be done for the implementation. The example brings us into more practical world, where we can visualize how the refactoring units "Get a makeover", "Display yourself in a new context through third parties", "Publish a more restricted interface" and "Fake a phone call from an ex-girlfriend" can help interested geek attract female companions.

Pattern Catalog

The second part is nothing more but a collection of 22 existing dating patterns. This part of the book will be even more familiar to those who read the original Design Patterns, as the headings, bulleted lists, sidebar notes and sub-chapter titles are all there. Each pattern is presented in the following format:

1. Pattern name
2. Problem statement (the authors acknowledge that for most of developers the problems reside in attempting to implement getLaid method successfully on FEMALE platform)
3. Forces (why this pattern might lead to successful implementation)
4. Solution (overview of what's required for successful implementation)
5. Strategies (step-by-step guide with copious notes)
6. Benefits and Drawbacks (analysis of when this design pattern makes sense and when it's not appropriate)
7. Related patterns

Anyone who's ever been through UML or Design Patterns class will not have a problem with reading the pattern catalog. The pseudocode sometimes used to describe the pattern is somewhat close to Java and uses Camel notation for method calls, state and interface definitions. Luckily the book is void of any humor that design pattern writers usually try to sneak in, and is just plain formal scientific boring writing with SAT-level vocabulary that we all grew to love while reading the Gang of Four series.

The problem statements use clear language, allowing the reader to figure out whether he has the same problem (and thus should read the pattern to find out the solution) or move on to the next pattern. For example, the Jini Singles Bar pattern describes the following problem:

You're a great catch, of course, and you're looking for someone smart, funny, beautiful, who can talk about rock-climbing, Slashdot, politics and 19th century Serbo-Croatian playrights. It would also be nice if she were 24, between 5'6'' and 5'8'', of French extraction, interested in the songs of Owen Margolis, with dark long brown hair. However, you have not yet found this woman.

Conclusion

The point that authors try to emphasize is that Dating Design Patterns is a collection of researched, verified, formalized and proven to work patterns. Of course, there are numerous pages of already available documentation with questionable applicability, as well as HOWTO's from open-source luminaries, but they provide neither the variety of patterns that this book has, nor the exact step-by-step implementations.

As common with design patterns, there are areas where they work perfectly and there are cases, where they are not applicable at all. The collection (full list of patterns with appropriate poster is available from the official Web site) just provides the list of accepted solutions to common problems. Perhaps reading through all 22 patterns is an onerous task and should be left to those in academic world. However, the authors assure that the benefits of successful implementation outweigh the amount of resources that need to be dedicated. Now, if you'll excuse me, that girl from Barnes and Noble with very nice public properties is getting out of the shower and her private members are even more interesting.

---

Tim's review:

Don't buy this book. None of the ideas in it work. Absolute garbage. Haugland's "advice" will not result in flocks of appropriate-sex singles following you out of every coffee bar, bookstore or tango lesson you happen to visit. Repeat: do not buy this book.

---

You can search for Dating Design Patterns from bn.com, or better yet, straight from the author. Slashdot welcomes readers' book reviews -- to see your own review here, read the book review guidelines, then visit the submission page.

look at the source..

Does anyone else find it interesting that this guy [catb.org] is the one giving the sex tips [catb.org] referenced in the article?

I mean, I was told not to judge a book by its cover but..

on a serious note, I am dating someone and she likes my geeky side. I forward her slashdot posts every week or so...it's pretty cool. yesterday we sat down and read some wikipedia together.

Re:look at the source..

I am dating someone and she likes my geeky side.

dude! run away, she's really a guy!

Re:look at the source..

You know, I happen to be a transsexual woman and a geek. Most transsexual women do everything they can to avoid male stereotypes. Though a large amount of us do work in the computer industry, by and large the bulk of us do not. And we are SUCH a minority that it is incredibly unlikely to begin with. Only about 1 in 10 us will ever pass on that kind of level, even to amazingly needy geek guys with little contact with women. And for the record, pre surgery, the large portion of us aren't into guys, geek or otherwise. ^_^ Post surgery that often changes though it hasn't for me.

On the other hand, many of the geek women I know are pretty incredible women. They've worked past the stereotypes and done something with their lives. They are confident and powerful and quite often beautiful women. =) Be kind to your geek girls boys, they deserve good lives and good boyfriends.

Re:look at the source..

Most of my geek girlfriends are trying to find guys through normal means. One is using a dating service another go's to clubs. You know, you never know if a woman is smart until you come up to them and say hi and ask them to chat. Honest interest in them goes a long way. =) There's an old lesbian saying, "We are 10,000,000 women waiting for someone else to ask us to dance." Woman, by habit, tend to be passive. Your assignment, if you choose to accept it, is to find women and say hello, give them a sincere compliment and do it confidently but not arrogantly.

And for God-sake, put on a button up shirt and some nice fitting slacks that show off your butt good. If you can dress decently, that's half the battle. Even a fat guy can look well put together in a nice pair of slacks, a blue button up shirt, and a nice white(and not dingy white) t-shirt. And shoes make a difference. Smart women most likely are looking for men who can hold their own and have confidence. They likely won't be as impressed by how much you make. Something I had to learn when I transitioned to female was how to act as if I have confidence even when I don't. It's a good skill and keeps me from being a target for all kinds of bad stuff.

If you get turned down, that's life. Remember learning to ride a bike, your first c programs, learning to make NFS secure? It usually doesn't work the first time. =) But you have to keep trying and adapting and learning.

I know many geek guys have spent a life in torture by jocks and idiots. But it's your turn to shine. Also, if something just doesn't work out, try to save the friendship. She likely knows a ton about you and can help you with everything if you can resist the urge to throw everything of hers away. Friendships with chicks is VERY cool. It will teach you how to talk with a woman, which is a good skill to have. We're not all into little crystal ornaments and makeup/clothes. Though beauty standards for women are tons higher than they are for men and that's why they seem to be a bit more preoccupied with looks on average. It was a huge shock when I transitioned full time. I knew of it but I didn't realize it was that decisive. Anyway, have patience, listen, ask, and dress for success.

Re:look at the source..

A butt ugly guy who gets laid by secure and attractive women is the best possible source of dating advice. They've never been able to rely on natural good looks, so they were forced to understand the true nature of the game.

The question is if this guy is truely, in fact, scoring with reasonable women.

All new kid of trolling...

My father used to refer to "trolling" as going around to pick up women with your cock hanging out of your pants.

Perhaps this book should have mentioned *that* code snippet.

Open box. Inflate

What problem?

Re:Suggestion for poll

I vote Cowboy Neal

Re:Suggestion for poll

Except that this story is real [directtextbook.com]. Go search on Google.

finally a book review that...

doesn't screw up the main page into being all italics

Just what we need!

Finally, the gender bias in computer literature will end. Why have we suffered for so long with only "man" pages?

However, I do not think OOP is very well-suited to this sort of thing. It's bad to treat women as objects.

Also, some girls are not into the whole "Gang of Four" idea... A lot of girls demand a Singleton pattern for any courtship situation.

How to score

By AC.

1) Find a moderatly pretty woman.
2) Ask them how they are
3) Ask them if they want coffee.
4) If they say "no," start at step 1, if they say "yes," continue.
5) on the way to coffee, say the following line. "Look, Coffee and conversation is great and all, but its a pre-cursor and we both know it. Ill get right to the point and save us both the hassle. I find you incredibly attractive, moreso then any other woman around here. (hell, they are all jealous, cant you tell?) Anyways, do you just want to go to a hotel or somethnig?
6) Majority will either say "no," "fuckoff," or the equivalent thereof. A few will say "yes."
7) if they say "yes," begin humping. if they say "no," start at step 1.

Repeat 1000 times.

Re:How to score

Why would you need to catch the stds when they're right there in /usr/include? Oh, wait.

Re:How to score

Nash: I don't exactly know what I am required to say in order for you to have intercourse with me. But could we assume that I said all that? I mean essentially we are talking about fluid exchange right? So could we go just straight to the sex?

(Courtesy IMDB)

At least this one's real...

Yep... the ISBN number of 0974312002 checks out...

Amazon.com [amazon.com]
Barnes & Noble [barnesandnoble.com] (They recongize the number, but don't have it.)
CafePress.com [cafeshops.com]
NerdBooks.com [nerdbooks.com]

Customers who bought this book also bought:

Customers who bought this book also bought: Head First EJB by Bert Bates (Author), Kathy Sierra (Author)

Finally a woman who agrees with me! HEAD FIRST, movie and a dinner later. :P

Pattern for the /. crowd...

Singleton... definately the Singleton pattern.

...in other news

...the editors of Slashdot were seen beating a dead horse at a local Michigan farm.

Are they Open Source?

And if released under the GPL, are they GNUd/Women?

Jokes for Nerds, Stuff that's Obvious

How NOT to tell a joke:

Step 1. Make it really really long.
Step 2. Put the punchline in the beginning.

Re:Before berating /. for their stories...

This ISBN checks out. The books is real.

Wow, that's an elaborate 1st April joke. Both a website and in the database at Amazon, B&N, etc!

So, *why* was this book written?

It was a complete waste of the time required to write it and the paper required to print it. 'Cause I *know* the problem doesn't reside with *me*.

What's needed is a dating design pattern book for women about the GEEK platform. A book like that would detail the many benefits of GEEK, and also suggest where one would go to meet and mate with a GEEK.

Once a book like that is written, opening the eyes of females everywhere, this "dating" issue will be resolved.

Now, I have to get back to writing Linux device drivers for my TRS-80.

---anactofgod---

BTW, I don't want any backlash from so-called "female geeks" on the limited scope of my suggested book. I *know* it's April's Fools, so don't try to convince me that you exist on this, of all, days.

You know how to get a girl?

1) Take care of your appearance, which means go to the gym and make sure that even if you have a gut, that it's at least obvious that you're someone who cares about your health and appearance. People are naturally wary of dating those who don't appear to take any pride in their appearance and health.

2) Don't assume that having a vagina means having no brain. Just because most girls are breeding stock, doesn't mean that there aren't plenty of girls who aren't. Some of the ones that seem to be breeding stock may in fact have a lot of intelligence and you can bring it out of them. Been there, done that.

3) Broaden your horizons. Get away from the computer and learn something that you find to be fun and that is accessible to girls who aren't computer geeks. I picked up bass and guitar for fun and found that a lot of college girls will at least give you a shot if you're good. Personally I don't care much, since my gf can beat me on guitar and hold her own on bass.

4) Don't jump right into a relationship. If you have a chance to have a casual sexual relationship with a girl, that's helpful for when you're ready to settle down. Experience is something most guys really need.

and...

5) Look for someone who is your equal, but not in your area of expertise. You don't want to risk a game of one upmanship. I'm wary of dating girls in my major (C.S.) for that reason. My current girlfriend is a musician.

being a geek doesn't turn off women...

...whining about how no women want you because you're a geek does.

To all you whiners, if you want to get laid, I highly recommend getting over yourselves already.

Just trying to help. Flame away.

tokengeekgrrl

No problem ... but ...

I have no problem picking up women, in fact, I have to beat them off with a stick. Maybe it has something to do with the fact that I am gay?

I met a girl once...

We lived together for 4 years. She steadily turned to the geekside. Now she's moving out and taking my Xbox and ST:NG collection with her!

Re:Why is this here?

Actually, I read the article's title, and thought:

"Hmm, a book describing how to efficiently timestamp the version log of your design" .. or something like that.

Re:Slashdot and Date....bwahhhaaa

GO FOR THE UGLY CHICKS ! Theyre horny, youre guarenteed to score and all you have to is cover their head with a bag.

When I was 12, my uncle came over to visit. Now my parents were bikers. (I'm not kidding, but to this day, my mother says, "no, no, no, it was a motorcycle club!") But by this time, my mother had grown out of being a biker. But my uncle was still this rough biker guy. So back to the story. So I was 12 and complaining about how I wanted to date this one girl who was very attractive, but she wasn't interested. But there was this other girl that wanted to date me who was not very attractive at all. So after complaining about this to my mother in the presence of my uncle, he inserted a few words of wisdom, "Well you know brian, even ugly girls have pussies." My mother was a little upset.