theodp writes: If Microsoft really wants to scare Gmail users, perhaps they should drop the Scroogled! campaign and simply post Google patent applications. Take Google's patent application for its Method and System for Dynamic Textual Ad Distribution Via Email, for instance, in which Google provides an example of how they can milk more money from advertisers by identifying lactating Moms. 'An end-user accessing documents related to breast feeding,' Google notes, 'is more likely to be in the market for a breast pump than any given end-user accessing pregnancy, in the mind of the advertiser. Thus, the advertising user has bid more to achieve the first position in that breast feeding document level.' Along the same lines, an accompanying diagram illustrates how Google's invention allows advertisers to also bid on access to those suffering from breast cancer, bi-polar disorder, depression, and panic anxiety. Hey, what could possibly go wrong?